Active Listening involves participating fully in the four steps of a standard communication; while technically it comes from verbal communication, one can “actively read” a text-based piece of communication as well. The four steps that have to be completely followed for two people to experience active listening include the following:
- The first person must thoughtfully consider what he or she wishes to communicate. He or she must express this message with as much clarity as possible. The listener must experience the full message, withholding as much judgment and response as possible until the entire message is complete. The listener must then digest, interpret, and respond based on the entirety of the speaker’s discourse.
Active listening, however, has gotten a reputation as being something you can convey as opposed to something you must actually do: yes, it is valuable to make eye contact and nod your head at appropriate points in a communicative exchange, but there has to be real understanding and connection beneath these gestures. Active Listening is sorely lacking these days, partially because of a societal impulse to multi-task even our most important communication moments. It also is much easier to “skim” text-based communication like text messages or emails and fail to devote real “active reading” time to understand every point that the writer has made.
Changing the way we listen, however, to the point where we become known for how actively we engage with the messages of others, can be a major benefit to us. You will stand out in a positive way if you can make space for truly listening and understanding, without judgment or immediately leaping to say something of your own.
How Active Listening Can Benefit You and Your Relationships
- Active Listening avoids casual misunderstandings. We’ve all had a moment where a relationship suffered because of a misunderstanding; sometimes the misunderstandings are truly unavoidable, but generally, a little more attention and care can be helpful to cut out the possibility of misunderstandings in your relationships.
- Active Listening cultivates empathy. It is very easy to get stuck in our own worldviews, but an active listener goes into every interchange assuming there is something there to learn. Whatever you learn from what you hear, you want to be able to incorporate it and see from that person’s point of view as much as possible. If you find that you are often mystified by the decisions and behaviors of others, you may be able to experience more empathy by asking questions to learn more and by summarizing what you are understanding as you listen, both excellent Active Listening techniques.
- Active Listening shows you care. While jumping in with your own point of view isn’t explicitly uncaring, one of the ways to show that you value someone else is to place understanding and interpreting their statements above getting your own point across. One thought experiment you can use is to imagine that this person is very famous and you are interviewing them: you want to fully understand their very important point and make them feel heard, not just tell them something else that happens to be on your mind. This mental valuing of the person will come across in your interactions and often strengthens your bonds.
How Active Listening Can Benefit You in the Workplace
- Active Listening helps you avoid small errors. While everyone is forgiven a small error here and there, managers and co-workers do notice if you miss the little things they say to you. Active Listening is a good way to get the opposite reputation: the reputation of someone who is a careful listener to catches even the smallest details.
- Active Listening helps you find solutions that other people miss. It’s very easy to get a general summary of a problem and then let yourself “zone out” thinking about potential solutions. When you are an active listener, you are more likely to pay attention to every shred of evidence and information you receive, which helps you notice a connection that other people didn’t catch and formulate the needed solution.
- Active Listening helps you showcase patience. Many people who don’t listenactively complain that they are just naturally impatient people, but cultivating one’s listening skills are a great way to train oneself to be more patient in all areas. Patience comes across as a sign of maturity, calm, and perseverance, which all tend to be valuable workplace traits.
How to Practice Active Listening
If you know you struggle with being a good listener, here are some tips for beginning to take the active listening steps that will help your work life and your home life.
- As soon as someone begins speaking to you, commit to putting your phone down or locking your screen or doing whatever you need to do to remove distractions. People will notice this commitment and it will help you focus on what they say.
- Taking a breath before you speak can be a really helpful rule. This breath may not make you instantly focus on the other person’s words, but it does show that you are taking a moment to process, and over time, building this break into conversations will help you to really hear what has been said before your own statement comes flying out.
- When you feel tempted to contradict someone, force yourself to say the person’s statement back to them in order to give them a chance to clarify. A phrase like “so what I am hearing you say is…” or “Am I understanding you correctly to mean…” can give the person a chance to make sure you have the best understanding of their point before you respond.
- If you feel tempted to interject your own needs, wants, desires, or opinions, resist until the other person doesn’t seem to have anything else to say. That means actually asking “what else are you thinking about?” or another prompting question to keep them talking. This can feel odd, especially if you are struggling to pay attention, but it is a good way to ensure that you don’t cut a person off in order to change the subject.
For more information on Active Listening and other excellent habits in the workplace and in the rest of life, reach out and contact us today.